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Hello world! If you’re a geek, you either laughed or facepalmed at the clichedness of that phrase. But sometimes some cliches are so powerful they break through the wall and then pull out two UZIS and sweep the room, then a ninja bursts down the door and starts cutting at you and deflecting your bullets out of the air, you run out of ammo, so you throw them both at him, he blocks them away(by the way, he has a katana and a wakazashi), and you pull out a pair of nunchaku and start beating at him. It’s not working, so you activate a switch on your nunchaku and two blades come out on both sides, revealing them to be swordchakus, which is totally sweet, and then you start attacking him, you slip through his defenses and cut his head off.

Anyways, this is a new blog series I’ve came up with called [AHIG]. Or, A-Holes in Gaming. Have you ever played a multiplayer game, and saw some dude that was such an A-Hole that you thought to yourself “wow, haha, I’m going to slash his tires”, and then get sidetracked thinking about trees? Well, maybe the last part is only applicable to me, but the point is solid – some people online are total A-holes. Many people ignore them, but they remain there. And this is about them. Gamers should sympathize with this, and let’s be fair. We’re on the internet – we’re all gamers.

So, this entry is about Mr Killstealer of Killstealington the Third. Killstealer here thinks that because he’s a higher level than me (runescape, by the by), that he’s instantly a better person, and totally has the right to go around 3-hitting everything like a boss and stealing my kills. This is normally a douchey thing, and we all hate it, but we deal with it, because it’s pretty common. But, this is an AHIG entry, so don’t expect it to end there.

“Hey, could you please hop worlds? I’ve been here for a few hours, and I need to run out of bolts or hit my goal before I can leave,” I say(not those words exactly, but it’s pretty similar)

“no noob liar ive been here all day” Killstealer audaciously claims.

Now, some background information, this guy is straight up spouting BS. I have been here all day. He hasn’t. Killsteaing is one thing, but totally flaming someone who hasn’t said anything besides a totally reasonable(and polite) asking to stop? Pretty dickish, but not quite [AHIG] material, right? Well, it gets worse.

“why cant u hop anyways” he asks.

“I have OCD(this is true, by the way, not an excuse) and I said I wouldn’t leave until I finished or used all of my bolts.” I say.

“rofl well good luck” he says. A while passes, then I say this.

“Do you really have to kill them all? Can’t you let me have one, once in awhile?” I ask.

“no, i aint hoppin either” Killstealer says.

Not cool, but alright. I begin to formulate a plan. This was single-combat, so if I were to justAUSHDTHISSONGISAWESOME delay my killing, I could kill it at the same time as him, and they’d respawn at the same time, giving me a clear shot at killing him(KAST RAST strategy, it’s a valid strategy). This worked well, for about 3 kills, then he got mad. Or something.

“noob”

And then he pulls off plan A. Plan A is roughly a plan to catapultHOP ONTO A ROCKET AND FLY himself into the hall of the fame for biggest douchebag in the history of the world. What did he do? Quite simple. When I attacked one, he had one too(KAST RAST FTW), and then he ran away and lead it towards me, and sat down for awhile. 2 seconds later, I had myself being attacked by his thing. I kill it, and he steals my kill. Not cool. When I kill it, I get NOTHING for it, since he did majority damage. Moreover, HE STOLE MY GOSH DRAT MONSTER. This continued for awhile. Even when I repeatedly asked him to stop it, he continued.

Every time I asked him to stop, he responded with “naa noob”, too, so it wasn’t like he just did that because I didn’t tell him so. On numerous occasions, I asked him to stop killstealing and deliberately trying to get me killed so he COULD killsteal, and offered him with numerous suggestions so he would have zero competition. Every single time, it was rejected, presumably under the grounds I was a “noob”. Why? I HAVE NO FREAKING CLUE. How hard would it be for him to hop worlds? Not at all. How hard would it be for him to go somewhere else? Not at all. In fact, I even offered him teleport runes so he could do it himself. Denied. How hard would it be for him to NOT BE A TOTAL DICK? Not at all. But he’s Mr. Killstealer, he “deserves 2 be here”, so he’s not leaving. Why? “its” his “homeworld”.

Pretty A-Holy, right? Well, it gets worse. I told him I was close to running out of bolts, then I could leave, so he could stop stealing my kills that way and generally being a douche for no reason, and I’d get done faster and leave. He doesn’t stop. He works even harder at doing that, and starts using specials to finish it faster. Why?

“rofl cant trust u noob”

Yeah. He insults me even after I do a totally cool thing for someone who’s done nothing but a-hole it up. I’ve been deliberately burning through bolts so I could leave, and he could be happier, and I could just move on. BUT INSTEAD, HE HAS TO MAKE MY EXPERIENCE EVEN MORE PAINFUL, JUST BECAUSE HE “CANT TRUST ME” AS I AM A “NOOB”. Let’s recap. He goes in, accuses me for no reason to “convince” me to leave, stole nearly every monster I tried to kill, berated me at every opportunity while doing so, repeatedly tried to get me killed for the sole purpose of stealing my kills, and instead of letting me finish it faster, he said he couldn’t trust me. WHY?! I DON’T KNOW.

Either way, congratulations, dumbass, you just made me swear. You’ve reached levels of a-holery so intense, that you’ve caused me to create a list for documenting people as stupid as you. You’re the kind of person who gives us all a bad name. Mr. Killstealer, I hope you blast through a wall and pull out two UZIs and sweep the room, then get your head cut off by a ninja because you’re too lame to actually fight him, unlike the cliche presented above.

Well, I know what you’re thinking. “What’s Eilios doing in AHIG?”. Well, I’m not much of a griefer. I like building things in Minecraft, not tearing them down. Same with Everybody Edits. But what happens when you build something so diabolically offensive that it takes everyone’s morals and rationality and throws it out the window? Yes, I will admit, I stooped to this level. I do not think it was my finest moment, but this was the single most blatantly offensive thing I’ve ever made, and it has to be said, because this article must be written.

What is it? A heart.

Back up. The game is Everybody Edits. A game filled with idiots, “trolls”(read: griefers), people building stupid hard levels, stolen Mario pixel art, and swastikas all around. You may know me for writing TF’s Everybody Edits guide. I don’t play as much as I used to, because the community is so untrustworthy, but occasionally, I go in secretly and build cool levels. This time, though, I joined a private room that posted the code.

Now, I don’t know what you know about Everybody Edits, but when you post the code to a private room, people will go in, turn on their fly, and grief the everloving fecal matter out of it. It’s a standard procedure. So, when I go into this room, I saw something magical. It was a house. In the bottom right corner of the map, there was a little quaint house, amidst the blockspam and swastikas, one little piece of art stuck through. I dunno why, but it touched me. I decided to respond with a heart. That house died, but the dream didn’t. A thing of beauty amidst the chaos. It was almost poetic – I had to do it.

So I began my work. I flew around, removing all of the blocks, looking like a griefer to divert attention away from it. I settled in the middle of the map, and I began. I dug. A hole formed around me. Soon – an entire empty area. I knew I had to draw something, something harmless, but utilizing all of my skills. So, I drew a heart. It started off simply, but then I noticed the empty spaces, and it seemed feeble. I outlined it. Then again. Soon, it was massive. And then they found it, and they destroyed it.

Not to be discouraged, I started again. I rebuilt the heart from the ground up, bigger than even before. And again, it was destroyed. It was not one person, it was many. But I kept at it. Over and over, it was rebuilt, each time more extravagant than the last. Soon, the heart became something more. It was a symbol, not just a piece of pixel art in a public room. Griefers would try do destroy it, watch me rebuild it, and quit in anger. This is why I belong here. Keeping to my dream destroyed the dreams of others. Given – it was a pretty dickish dream, but still not cool on my part. But I kept at it, y’know?

Eventually, I had a border, and it looked pretty snazzy. Griefers would come and go, but I would destroy it. Eventually, I began to ponder the reason why I even worked for hours on end on this heart. It soon took over me, and I was about to go, when something magical happened.

Somebody helped me.

Before, I had been doing this solo, fighting against the griefers, and keeping the heart alive. But this heart had evolved, it wasn’t pixel art, it was a symbol. It showed griefers that they couldn’t overcome creation, and now it had shown people that even amidst the single worst behavior amongst flash gamers, a thing of beauty can emerge. And so, I had someone helping me. Smaller hearts came in the frame, orbiting the big one. An arrow went through the heart. A VIP user came and made the frame solid gold.

And griefers, they didn’t care how I had inspired people with my heart. They tried to destroy it. And they succeeded, the heart was replaced with a bunch of floating coins. My group had helped me, but I didn’t. The griefer left out of rage, unable to get me to quit, and I rebuilt the heart. I added the arrows, and the tiny hearts, down to the last detail. They came back, to see what had become of their beloved heart. And it was still there.

Despite the dickishness of those griefers, their destructive natures lost in the end – I can’t read minds, but the way that my helpers grinned and rebuilt the frame, I think I created more than one thing of beauty that day.

I’ve honestly found myself confounded by some debaters. They are hardly masters of their craft. MSTRKRFT. Music reference! Hence the “music” category. And the “reference” category. It’s straight up education, though. So, moving onto my hypothesis. Some people need to stop giving their opinions out, because they’re horrible, and they’re all morons. The group of people I am referring to, that is. Although this isn’t an essay, I’m using the word hypothesis to make this blog post sound smarter than it is.

First and foremost, I’m tired of people who think they’re smart. It’s stupid. I’m so much smarter than that. You don’t go into somewhere and say “you’re wrong, I’m right”, you go somewhere and say “I disagree, this is why”. When you see an idiot say “your music is bad, because it’s boring”, you’ve essentially broken all constructs of the English language. First of all, there is a difference between opinions and facts. If I say: “I think Raocow is the best commentator”, that’s an opinion, because it has no basis in reality outside of the mind of those who speak it. And maybe you don’t exist. So there. But a fact is something such as “my pen is out of ink”, because this is a property that can be examined by others, and measured to any degree.

Saying “this is hot” is a fact. If it is a high temperature, it’s hot. If it’s not a high temperature, then it’s a false fact, but that’s better than an opinion. It can be verified. So when I see people say things like “MW2 is the best game and all other games are for nerds”, a little part of me dies, and then I have to go to the pet cemetery to bury it, but it doesn’t like being buried in the pet cemetery, so it comes back to life, and then we high five and fly to space. I know this is a bit of a rant, but it needs to be said. DON’T. INSULT. IF. YOU. HAVE. NO. IDEA. WHAT. YOU. ARE. TALKING. ABOUT.

PERIOD.

AND ANOTHER ONE FOR GOOD MEASURE.

It should go without saying, but trashing something without having any clue what it is, not the best of plans. Trying to justify an opinion using an opinion is like trying to dry up a cup of water by filling it with water. Think of an opinion as a house. You can build a house any way you want, but if you’re house is floating in the air you won’t be able to get in there, and you probably won’t get internet, so how are you reading this? Maybe you should try anchoring it down by giving it something solid to base itself on; floating houses make you have a hilarious Pixar(tm) adventure.